Another Senior Moment
Tonight's Lecture: 'Florida Snowbirding'
by Jim Sponseller

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. This is my third annual presentation for Lakeshore Guardian readers who are thinking of becoming an official Florida Snowbird. This time I've put together a slide show featuring highlights of our visit to Florida just two months ago. Our slide projector operator is ready so let's begin our little tour. (CLICK)

Our stay was at the Gulf Coast city of Fort Myers where we spent many winters in the past but now just make short annual visits. This slide was taken in downtown Fort Myers as we sat on our favorite park bench where we could watch the boat traffic on the wide Caloosahatchee River that runs into the Gulf of Mexico a few miles away. As you can see, the river doesn't show up in this photo since they are building a 15-story river-front condominium smack in front of the park. In fact, we're told there will be nine similar towers along the river. I would recommend that if you want a good view, you should forget about the free park benches and buy one of the condos starting at $499,999.98. (CLICK)

If you want to rent or purchase a home or condo, I recommend you first buy a copy of the local newspaper, the News-Press. This slide shows a copy of the always-thick newspaper that sells for only 50 cents. The first eight pages are devoted to the news. The next 220 pages are all real estate sections. (CLICK)

If you decide to buy a home, don't be lured to those with the sporty blue roofs like the one shown on this slide. The blue roofs are not a new roofing concept. They are tarpaulins placed there when the original roofs were shredded during one or more of the local hurricanes. Some blue roofs even remain from Hurricane Charlie that hit Florida over a year ago. It's taking a long time to get things fixed because there's such a major shortage of carpenters and roofers. They're much too busy building all those condo towers with the magnificent views. (CLICK)

If you adore animals, you'll love living in Florida where there are plenty of alligators and their smaller cousins, the lizards, skinks and iguanas. This slide shows one of the many species of lizards. If you see them crawling up the walls inside your Florida abode, that's good. They dine on the bugs and ants that haunt your kitchen and gobble up leftovers. There's no need to show you a slide of an alligator. I'm sure you'll recognize one when it ambles across your back yard. By the way, you will notice many signs along the rural roads warning you that you're approaching a panther crossing. Don't panic. There are probably 5,000 of these signs but there's only 30 to 50 Florida panthers in the whole state. That doesn't include the more violent two-legged ones… members of the Florida Panthers hockey team over near Fort Lauderdale. (CLICK)

For those in the audience interested in agriculture, this slide was taken a few years ago at one of the many "U-pick" farms around Fort Myers. It shows scores of Snowbirds picking luscious tomatoes and strawberries in the fields at Uncle John's U-Pick-em Farm. (CLICK)

This next slide was taken during our November visit to show Uncle John's farm now. Like all the rest of the U-Pick places, they were sold off at a handsome sum and are now filled with homes, duplexes, high-rise condos, shopping centers and a few golf courses. As for Uncle John, he's still on his round-the-world trip aboard his private jet. (CLICK)

Traveling east out of Fort Myers, you run into huge orange and grapefruit groves like the one shown on this slide. Folks, if you're thinking of selling the farm up here in Michigan Thumb country and buying an orange grove spread down in Florida, you might consider this. In the past year, the State has ordered the chopping down of 800,000 citrus trees because of a bacterial disease called the citrus canker. (CLICK)

This next slide shows some of the zillion oranges and grapefruit we saw rotting on the ground after Hurricane Wilma blew them clean off the trees. In the winter there's always the threat of frost and freezing weather. My advice: buy a bag of oranges at the grocery… don't try growing them yourself. (CLICK)

In Lee County, where Fort Myers is located, the once-sleepy little place now has 500,000 permanent residents. That doesn't include the seasonal Snowbirds. Because there are so many Senior folks down there with no local doctors, there are long, long waits in the hospital emergency rooms, doctors' offices and drop-in clinics. If you don't want to miss your usual nap-time, you may want to take along an inflatable mattress. Newspapers report the long waits are the result of a major shortage of doctors in Florida because of the state's high malpractice insurance rates. If you're the sickly kind and think you'll need some help while in Florida, you may want to invest in one of those "do-it-yourself" medical treatment books along with a good set of do-it-yourself surgery tools. (CLICK)

Finally, many people ask me if there are any good restaurants down there. Florida is a great place to visit if you like fish - especially the grouper pictured in this slide. Seems like all the Snowbirds order grouper. As a result, grouper is being over-fished and the amateur and professional fishermen are in an uproar over who's to blame. All I know is that grouper sandwiches used to be $8.95 but have now jumped two bucks. Seniors on a limited income may want to consider switching to the less popular, lowly catfish. (CLICK)

Many of you may be asking how Snowbirds spend their leisure time in Florida. And here, on my final slide, is how. It's a slice of key lime pie! Yep… up-North people can't wait to get down there and start searching restaurants and bakeries for the very best key lime pie. They'll drive for miles. Some say "it looks like pie - but tastes like sunshine." Variations abound but it definitely isn't official key lime pie if it's green. It should be yellow. Elegant restaurants charge as much as $7.25 a slice. If you're looking for something cheaper, I'd stay away from the pies sold at the local bait shops. Just keep driving and looking and tasting. Suddenly, you'll find your stay in Florida is over.

The Florida Chamber of Commerce will hate me for saying this, but you can save yourself a bundle of greenbacks by staying home in Michigan for the winter. You can have all the benefits of Florida by just sitting under a sunlamp while dining on a whole, delicious key lime pie baked by yourself for only five bucks or less. And you won't have to share it with the ants.

Thank you for coming. (CLICK)

Jim can be emailed at sponcom@ameritech.net.