COUNTRYSIDE YARNS
TALL TALE OR TRUTH? YOU DECIDE!
Jackson & Annie McFrie, Part 3
by Janis Stein

Join me in the conclusion as we try to solve the case of the missing lunch pail, grieve over the loss of old Homer the horse and see the inside of the McFrie home through the eyes of two men making a delivery from the local elevator.

After a time though, the McFrie's began to get a little stir-crazy, and Jackson had worked up a powerful thirst. They harnessed up Homer and made their way south to see just how far they could get with their cutter. After a mile or so they could see they had to stop, so they pulled into the old homestead owned by Johnny McNeil. Johnny stabled McFrie's horse, and Homer greedily dug into the hay set before him. When Johnny told Jackson he felt the need to get out too, all three hopped in Johnny's car to see if they could make it to town.

Some time later, the trio returned, successful in their mission to reach the nearest tavern. Jackson kept grinning from ear to ear, the spirits from the bottle responsible for his sense of euphoria. Johnny helped Annie harness old Homer, since Jackson plainly would be of little use, and if they hurried the McFrie's just might reach home while the winter sun still shone.

Meanwhile, little Susie Jean's family were visiting McFrie's neighbors, and they all gathered by the window to see the commotion. With Homer leading the way, Annie was doing her very best to make it home, but the problem lay with Jackson. So polluted was his body, he kept falling out of the cutter, and Annie had to stop every few hundred feet to help Jackson get back on board!

Another decade or two passed, and two young men who worked at the local elevator were scheduled to make a delivery at the McFrie residence. After they delivered the one ton of coal the McFrie's ordered, Jackson instructed the duo to back the truck up to the door so they could set the 100-pound bag of flour by the door. The duo had decided they might like to get a look at the inside of the McFrie home, so the fellow who had hoisted the bag of flour on his shoulder offered to take it inside. Though Jackson told him he could just put it by the door, the young man insisted it was the right and proper thing to do for he did not want either Jackson or Annie to strain themselves with such a load.

The delivery men were quite pleased with themselves for having gained access, because not just anybody was granted such an opportunity. As they opened the old door, and it wasn't much of a door at that, the pair made their way through the maze they encountered. Piles of wood were here and there along with horse harnesses and everything else imaginable. Though the men were gawking to the left and to the right, they made sure they didn't fall through the three-foot in diameter hole in the floor, which offered a bird's eye view of the basement!

Moving a little further into the McFrie domain, the delivery men squinted to see through the blue haze, when finally they silently determined the cause: A seven-inch pipe emerged from the pot-bellied stove even though only a six-inch pipe connected to the chimney. With the one-inch gap smoke, and plenty of it, escaped the confines of the pipe and polluted the McFrie's living space. Overwhelmed by all there was to see, one of the men couldn't help but let a chuckle escape and, before he could suppress his snicker, Annie quickly assured him there were plenty of people who had less than they. Indeed, she was probably right.

The area's farmland continued to prove prosperous and on one occasion an area farmer had asked his brother to come over to help with the cultivating. The brother willingly obliged, and with him he brought his lunch bucket. With little room on the tractor, the young man placed his lunch under the protection of a beautiful shade tree, the perfect spot to eat later. Up and down the field he tilled, and when the sun was high in the sky, the fellow stopped the tractor to retrieve his lunch. Confused, he looked all around the base of the tree for he knew he placed his pail in the shade. He never did find it, and going without, he resumed his work until evening came. When he returned home, he mentioned the bizarre incident to his dad, and in reply his father asked if Jackson and Annie had been picking up roadside grass that afternoon. Sure enough they had! Dad traveled to the McFrie's to inquire, and Johnson happily returned the lunch box - empty, of course. Johnson had enjoyed a mighty fine sandwich and apple!

In time, old Homer passed away - he had been a good and faithful horse for many a year, and he was greatly missed by the McFrie's. Some folks said they butchered old Homer and ate their fill while others said they drank his nutritious blood. Others didn't believe such nonsense though, for people would and always did tell the most fantastic tales about the McFrie's. They never replaced Homer, instead venturing out on foot, and Jackson found a new traveling companion - a walking staff. The number of miles they must have walked were surely great, and the energy expended no doubt caused Jackon's appetite to grow.

As the decades passed and old age knocked on their door, the McFrie's health began to deteriorate and they both found themselves in a local hospital at the insistence of some whom others thought should have minded their own business. Jackson's appetite followed him wherever he went and even in the hospital he ate as if there was no tomorrow. On one occasion, he had a hankering for bologna, and a nurse brought into his room a ring of the tasty meat. Instead of slicing off a few bites, Jackson ate and ate until the whole ring of bologna was gone!

The McFrie's never did have much use for doctor folk, and they had even less use for the nurses who insisted upon cleaning them up. Both Jackson and Annie each endured their own suffering as layer after layer of soot and grime was removed and their skin was scrubbed clean. When the pair was reunited, they couldn't quite believe what they saw.

Jackson rubbed his eyes and squinting, said, "Annie, is that you?" After several shampoos, Annie's hair had miraculously turned a snowy white, and Jackson looked on in disbelief.

Annie, in turn, looked at Jackson and repeated the sentiment, "Jackson, is that you?" Cleaned up, he didn't look half bad!

Jackson and Annie ended up living to be a ripe old age, though many will always wonder about the whys and the hows of it all. Folks who are old enough rock in their rockers by the fire and, as they watch the flames dance, their minds still cannot escape the memories created by Jackson and Annie McFrie.

Many thanks to all who took the time to stop me on the street, write a note or call on the phone to let me know what you thought about Countryside Yarns and the McFrie's. The reader response has been absolutely wonderful, and now I need your help. If you'd like to see this column continue, won't you please let us know about one of your yarns? If you have a story idea, please contact The Lakeshore Guardian, 9697 Purdy Road, Harbor Beach, MI 48441, or call us at 989-479-3448. We'd be happy to spin your tale!

© 2006 Janis Stein