ANOTHER SENIOR MOMENT
Laugh Loud and Live Longer
by Jim Sponseller

Still waiting for someone to discover the Fountain of Youth? Look no longer fellow Silver Citizens. The fountain is no further away than the smile on your face!

At least that's what a whole lot of people in the fields of medicine and psychology who have studied laughing and its benefits are saying.

I'm not a doctor. I can't verify what these doctors and researchers are saying. I don't even watch doctor and hospital shows on TV. Can't stand to see the blood and the operations. But I'm going to tell you anyhow what my research in this matter has revealed. And, to help you live longer, I'm going to humor you along by tossing in a few one-liner jokes along the way, such as:

The doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!" (Yuk, yuk, yuk.)

According to a study by the Maryland Medical Center, laugher activates the chemistry of the will to live and increases our capacity to fight disease. It relaxes the body and reduces problems associated with high blood pressure, strokes, arthritis and ulcers. And the Center adds that it may even reduce the risk of heart disease. The researchers found that people with heart disease were 40 percent less likely to laugh in a variety of situations compared with people of the same age without heart disease.

A man goes into a psychiatrist. The doctor says to him, "You're crazy." The man says, "I want a second opinion." "Okay," replies the doctor, "You're also ugly." (Ha, ha, ha!)

And did you know that laughter gives our bodies a good workout? The Medical Center folks say that it's a great workout for your diaphragm, abdominal, respiratory, facial, leg and back muscles. It massages abdominal organs, tones intestinal functioning and strengthens the muscles that hold the abdominal organs in place. "Not only does laughter give your midsection a workout," the study reports, "it can benefit digestion and absorption functioning as well." (Guess this means we can toss out the Maalox.)

In addition, it's estimated that hearty laughter can burn calories equivalent to several minutes on a rowing machine or the exercise bike! (And this means I can cancel my membership at the YMCA!)

Another report I found claims that, "Humor improves brain functions and relieves stress. Laughter stimulates both sides of the brain to enhance learning. It eases muscle tension and psychological stress, which keeps the brain alert and allows people to retain more information." (In other words, those "senior moments" won't be as frequent.)

A bum asked me to give him ten dollars until payday. "When's payday," I asked. "How would I know? he replied. "You're the one who's working." (Hee, hee, hee!)

When we were growing up we heard many times that "Laughter is the best medicine." So the claim is not new. We just need some reminding. So just how do you expand your sense of humor? I found some experts who developed these few tips:

1. Avoid conversation, news, entertainment, etc., that frightens, upsets and distresses you or makes you feel sad and unhappy.

(Do you watch those crime and hospital shows on TV or at the movie theaters? Some researchers found that in a typical week of TV watching, 63 dead bodies were graphically visible during prime time on six broadcast networks, not to mention the movie channels. Here's one example: The lead character in Fox Network's "Bones" discovered a badly decomposed body hanging in a tree with crows picking on the remains. The maggot-covered head falls off and lands in Bones' hands. I don't know about you but I feel miserable and depressed just reading that sentence.)

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, good food. She goes Tuesdays and I go Fridays. (Har, har har!)

2. Hang around funny friends. Better yet, marry a funny partner. 3. Take a humor break each day by reading jokes, add to a humor notebook, read the funny pages or watch a comedy TV show that is actually funny. 4. If you hear a joke you really like, write it down and tell it to someone else. (Who knows, you may someday become a standup comedian down at the Senior Center!) 5. Remind yourself to have fun. 6. Spend time with those who help you see the bright side and, whenever possible, avoid people who are negative and dour. 7. Watch children who are having fun. Experts say children laugh 400 times a day. The average adult laughs only 15 times. (When and where did we grown-ups go wrong?)

I was walking down the street and found a man's hand in my pocket. I asked, "What do you want?" He replied, "A match." I said, why didn't you ask me?" He replied, "I don't speak to strangers." (Arf, arf, arf!)

I've got to give credit for these one-liner interludes to the "King of One-liners," the late Henny Youngman. Humor must have helped keep the fast-talking comedian healthy (and wealthy) because he was still performing until his death from pneumonia just short of his 92nd birthday.

Now, a final smile: Clara's husband dies. He had $30,000 to his name. A few weeks later, she reveals to her closest friend that there is none of the $30,000 left. "How can that be?" the friend asks. The widow says, "Well the funeral cost $6,500, I donated $500 to the church and spent another $1,000 for the wake, food and drinks. The rest went for the memorial stone.

The friend says, "My goodness, that means the memorial stone cost $22,000. How big is it?"

Replied the widow, "Three carats." (Ho, ho, ho!)

Jim can be emailed at: sponcom@ameritech.net.